Thursday, 9 September 2010

Lead me into your darkness

When I was little, I was afraid of the dark. I am not afraid anymore, which is good, for people will lead me into their darkness.

Let me tell you about tonight.

I live next to a fantastic park (Slottskogen) and tonight I went for a walk. One part of the park was without lightning, and I walked in near-complete darkness for a while.

I understand why we fear the dark - It's loss of understanding, loss of defense, and thus loss of control.
When someone tells me they have a darkness inside them, and I believe everyone does, it means they have something inside them that they can't control and that they fear.

But darkness in itself, I'm not afraid of anymore, perhaps I even have a sort of lust for it, to stride into our dark sides.

Freud described a lust for death and destruction, called Thanatos, and placed it next to his lust for life and sex, Libido. I don't think destruction is the same as the loss of control I associate with darkness, though.

Destruction is to exercise control. It's the power to reject self-loathing, fear, shame and guilt, by destroying what would wake it, just as we wish to disintegrate ourselves when we feel ashamed. (To "sink through the floor", to disappear)

Well, I don't know.

But as a therapeut, I will contain your darkness, I will show you that it can be endured without disintegration, I will accept it. I will tell you it's okay.

As I walked home, I listened to Insoluble by Dave Gahan. You have nothing to fear.

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